Missing Your Best Friends- The Psychology of Distance And Adult Connection

I want to talk about something that so many high achieving women feel, but don’t always say out loud.

The longing for connection.

We are capable women. We build careers, move countries, handle challenges, figure things out. We know how to be independent. We know how to survive, and more than that, we know how to succeed.

And yet, no matter how capable we are, there is something that success alone never quite fills.

Connection.

From a neuroscience perspective, this makes complete sense. Our brains are wired for connection. Human nervous systems evolved in communities. Safety, meaning, and belonging were never solo experiences. Even today, the brain releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, when we feel seen, heard, and emotionally close to others. This is not weakness.

This is biology.

As humans, we long for true connection. Not surface level chats. Not just being busy around people. Real connection. The kind where you can be yourself, where you feel understood, where someone knows your story and still chooses you.

When we are young, connection often feels effortless. Friendships are formed through proximity. School, university, shared houses, shared chaos, shared life. A conversation, a class, a night out can turn into a lifelong bond.

But as we grow older, connection changes.

Life gets busier. People move countries. Careers expand. Relationships evolve. People get married, have children, relocate. And without anyone really meaning for it to happen, the friendships that once anchored us start to scatter across the world.

I know this deeply, because I have lived it.

I moved to another country. My best friends moved to other countries too. Suddenly, the people who knew my history, my growth, my mess, my becoming, were no longer around the corner. They were on different continents, different time zones, different lives.

And creating new connections as an adult can feel harder.

Not because we are broken or antisocial, but because our deepest friendships were built through shared time, shared experiences, shared versions of ourselves. History creates intimacy. And when everything is new, that history takes time to build.

I hear this from so many women I work with.

“I wish my best friends were here.”“I miss having my people around.”“I feel lonely even though my life looks full.”

This year, when I came to Brazil, something magical happened. My best friends, who live all around the world, were all there. The universe somehow brought us together. And being with them filled me in a way that nothing else does.

I felt heard. I felt held. I felt seen. My cup was full.

And I could feel that it was mutual. That is the beauty of true connection. It nourishes everyone involved.

It also reminded me of something important.

Connection is not optional for a meaningful life. It is essential.

So what do we do when our hearts long for connection, but our people are far away?

First, we honour the grief. Missing your friends does not mean you are ungrateful for your life.

It means you love deeply. Allow yourself to miss them without making it mean something is wrong with you.

Second, we stay intentional with distance. Deep friendships can survive oceans when we tend to them. Voice notes, scheduled calls, shared rituals, honest conversations. Quality

matters more than frequency.

And third, we gently create space for new connections, without expecting them to replace the old ones.

This is something I support many of my clients with. We don’t force friendships. We create conditions for connection.

Here are some grounded, realistic ways to begin:

Go where your people could be. A yoga studio. A café you love. A networking event. A workshop. A community space that aligns with who you are now.

Create a simple plan. One new event a week is enough. Consistency builds familiarity, and familiarity builds safety.

Open one door digitally. Send one message in a group, a page, or a community you are already part of. You don’t need a perfect script. Curiosity is enough.

In each event, aim for one genuine connection. One conversation. One contact. One person you could follow up with. Depth over numbers. Allow time. New connections don’t come with shared history yet. They grow through presence, repetition, and openness.

Connection is not about chasing people. It is about letting yourself be seen.

And yes, it can feel uncomfortable at first. Putting yourself out there always does. But so many women are longing for the same thing you are. They just don’t know who will take the first step.

If you are reading this and feeling that ache for your people, know this.

You are not alone in this longing. There is nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system is asking for what it needs.

Life becomes richer when we share it. Lighter when we laugh together. Safer when we are witnessed.

And even if some of your people are far away, there are still connections waiting to meet you, in this version of your life.

Your people exist. Sometimes, they are just one brave step away.

If building meaningful connection feels hard right now, this is something we can gently work through together. Book your free call and let's create a plan to bring in the connections you are craving for.