Why You Self-Sabotage When You Are This Close to Getting What You Want

There is a moment we need to talk about, and look, it is not the start. Starting is the easy part. You get that initial burst of excitement, you buy the new notebook, you tell everyone this is the time.

No, the moment I am talking about happens much later. It is week two of the Back Yourself Series, and we are looking at the exact moment you are in motion. You have done the work, you have prepared, and you are standing right on the edge of the finish line. And then, right before it actually counts, you just pull the handbrake.

It is rarely a massive, explosive disaster. Usually, it is super quiet and completely reasonable.

A sudden delay makes sense. A random excuse pops up. You tell yourself you are just too tired, or maybe the timing is slightly off, right? You convince yourself you need just one more week to get ready. And just like that, you step away from something that was practically in your hands.

Most people love to blame this on nerves, bad luck, or not being ready yet. But after working with hundreds of women on exactly this, I can tell you it is none of those things.

It is The Saboteur.

And look, The Saboteur is the sneakiest of the four self-doubt patterns we are covering this month. Because unlike The Avoider, who keeps you away from the starting line entirely, The Saboteur lets you get there. It lets you train, prepare, and believe you are trying. It waits until the exact moment where your life could actually shift, and then it takes you out.

And this one is deeply personal for me.

Anyone who knows me knows I love talking. I am not exactly known for my silence. So back when I was at university, I had this big presentation to give. It was a topic I cared about deeply. I had studied it. I knew it inside out. I mean, I knew it so well that I convinced myself I didn't even need to prepare that much. I had it under control, right?

I walked up to the front of that room feeling fine. Confident, even. Then I looked out at everyone looking back at me, and my body completely left the building. My mind went totally blank. My hands started shaking, my legs turned to jelly, and I could not get a single word out.

A friend literally had to come up and physically lead me off the stage. I stood there feeling like the most incompetent, humiliated version of myself.

For years, I thought I just had a phobia of public speaking. But it wasn't that at all. It was The Saboteur doing its job.

Because this pattern doesn't show up randomly. It shows up specifically on the things that matter most to you. And it wears two completely different disguises.

The first disguise is what I call undercorrecting. This is the excessive confidence version. The “Oh, I already know this, I don't need to prepare too much” vibe. It looks like confidence from the outside, but underneath, it is self-doubt in a very clever costume. Because if you do not fully prepare and you fail, you have a built-in excuse. You didn’t actually fail, you just didn’t really try, right? You protect your ego by holding back.

The second disguise is overcorrecting. This is the full-body freeze. It is exactly like when I failed my driving test because my foot would not stop shaking violently on the clutch. I could drive perfectly fine, but because the stakes felt so high, my system went into full protection mode and shut me down before I could risk failing at something that actually counted.

Undercorrecting says: I do not care that much anyway.

Overcorrecting says: I care so much my body has to stop me.

Both come from the exact same root. Both are self-doubt keeping you from finding out what happens when you truly back yourself.

I spent years carrying this loop through my life, thinking I was just someone who crumbled under pressure.

But when you look underneath, you realise The Saboteur is not trying to destroy you. It is just trying to keep you inside the childhood box your subconscious built for you. A box that defines exactly who you are, where you belong, and how much you are allowed to have.

Every time you try to outgrow that box, your subconscious panics because it learned a long time ago that outgrowing your original version is dangerous. It assumes you might lose love, approval, or belonging. We will choose a familiar hell over an uncertain heaven every single time, until our subconscious mind learns we deserve better.

So what is your familiar hell? Is it underperforming right before something counts? Freezing when the stakes are high? The sudden loss of interest right when a project gets real?

The shift does not come from trying harder. When I finally raised my hand to speak at a networking event years after my university disaster, my stomach dropped. But I didn't try to force it. I prepared properly. I used subconscious work to release the stories sitting under the fear. I even imagined failing completely, and I realised I would still survive it.

And look, it went so well that I literally bought myself flowers afterwards. Not because I was perfect, but because I stayed on that stage.

The Saboteur loses its grip when you build enough internal safety that your system stops panicking at the edge of growth. You do not become fearless, you just become someone who shows up for herself anyway.

This week, think of one thing you have been getting close to and pulling back from. Name it.

Tell a trusted friend out loud, because the moment it stops being a secret, the pattern loses its power.

Next week, we are moving into The Compensator, the pattern of overworking, over-giving, and exhausting yourself trying to earn your worth.

See you next time xx

P.S Recognised yourself and is ready to stop self-sabotaging you growth? Book your complimentary Self-Trust Clarity.