How I Stopped Living in My Head and Started Feeling Calm and in Control- What survival mode taught me about anxiety, burnout, and nervous system regulation

I used to wake up with a tight feeling in my chest, replaying yesterday’s conversations before my feet even touched the floor.

My body was already braced for the day ahead, my mind scanning for what I might have said wrong, what I should have done differently, what could go wrong next.

From the outside, everything looked fine. I was capable, responsible, getting things done.

Inside, I felt constantly switched on, alert, and tired in a way that sleep never seemed to fix.

Mornings felt heavy. By the time the day started, I was already exhausted.

For a long time, I believed this was just the price of being human while living in a fast, demanding world. This is what most people do. You normalise the pressure. You adapt. You carry on.

Not because you are weak, but because your system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: survive.

What I did not realise then was that my nervous system was stuck in survival mode.

The Hidden Cost of Functioning

When your nervous system is dysregulated, it does not matter how motivated, intelligent, or self aware you are. Your body believes it is under threat, even when nothing dangerous is actually happening. This keeps you in a constant state of alertness.

For me, that showed up as overthinking, people pleasing, and a constant background anxiety. I struggled to switch off. My patience became shorter. My tolerance for stress shrank. Small things felt overwhelming, and rest felt undeserved.

I kept telling myself I was fine.

But fine slowly turned into something else.

It turned into deeper fatigue that followed me everywhere. It turned into snapping at people I loved, then feeling guilty about it. It turned into self doubt creeping into places where confidence used to live.

And perhaps the most dangerous part was that none of this happened overnight. It happened quietly.

Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years.

This is the part most women do not talk about. The cost of not addressing anxiety and nervous system dysregulation is not just discomfort. It is the slow erosion of your energy, your confidence, and your sense of self.

The Quiet Losses No One Warns You About

When you live in survival mode for too long, you start to lose things without realising it.

You lose presence in your relationships. You are physically there, but mentally elsewhere, replaying conversations, anticipating problems, managing emotions. The people around you feel it, even if they cannot name it.

You lose opportunities at work. Not because you are not capable, but because it no longer feels safe to be visible. Speaking up feels risky. Going for the promotion feels exhausting.

Making a big move feels like too much.

When boundaries are unclear and confidence is worn down, you stop advocating for yourself. Your needs stay unspoken. And that creates the perfect conditions to be overworked, overlooked, and treated unfairly.

You take on the heavier load. The harder tasks. The emotional labour no one else wants.

Recognition becomes rare, expectations keep rising, and slowly you become the dependable one who is always coping, always giving, and rarely supported.

Not because you lack ability, but because survival mode trains you to endure rather than challenge.

You lose momentum. Dreams get postponed. Decisions get delayed. Life becomes something you manage rather than something you actively create.

Promotions go to someone louder, not better. Relationships feel strained. Big moves stay in the someday pile.

And the most painful loss of all is that you slowly disconnect from yourself.

You stop trusting your instincts. You second guess decisions. You look outside yourself for reassurance because inside feels too noisy.

This is what burnout actually looks like before it has a name.

Why Mindset Work Was Not Enough To Start Feeling Calm Again and in Control

For years, I thought the solution lived in my thoughts. If I could just think differently, be more positive, reframe situations better, everything would calm down.

But mindset work only goes so far when your body does not feel safe.

An anxious nervous system cannot be reasoned with. You cannot talk it out of survival mode.

You cannot force it to relax through willpower. In fact, trying harder often makes it worse.

This was a turning point for me.

When I stopped asking, “What is wrong with me?” and started asking, “What is my nervous system responding to?” everything changed.

I realised that anxiety was not a personal failure. It was a learned pattern. A protective response that had outlived its usefulness.

Learning to Regulate, Not Push

Regulating my nervous system meant working with my body, not against it.

It meant slowing down enough to notice when I was holding my breath, clenching my jaw, or bracing for impact. It meant creating moments of safety throughout the day, rather than waiting for a holiday or a breakdown to rest.

I stopped trying to earn rest.

I started teaching my body that it was safe to soften.

This work was not dramatic or instant. It was subtle and consistent. And it changed everything.

When my body began to feel safe, my mind followed.

I woke up without the tightness in my chest. My thoughts became quieter. Decisions felt clearer. Calm stopped being a rare good day and became my baseline.

What Calm Actually Gave Me

Feeling Calm and in control did not make me passive or unambitious. It made me precise.

I became more present in my relationships. I listened without rushing. I responded instead of reacting.

At work, I trusted my voice again. I stopped over explaining. I took up space without apologising for it.

Big moves no longer felt overwhelming. They felt possible.

Calm gave me access to my confidence, my creativity, and my intuition. Things that had always been there, but were buried under stress.

This is why I am so passionate about this work.

Why I Now Help Women Regulate Their Nervous Systems

I work with high achieving women who are tired of functioning in survival mode. Women who look successful on paper, but feel anxious, overwhelmed, and disconnected inside.

Despite their efforts, many of them have already tried to manage it by understanding themselves better, changing habits, staying positive, and being more organised. They did the work. They showed up. And still, something felt unresolved.

What they are missing is nervous system regulation.

When we work at the level of the nervous system and the subconscious, change becomes sustainable. Anxiety softens. Confidence stabilises. Energy returns.

This is not about becoming a different person. It is about coming back to yourself.

The Real Question

The real question is not whether you can keep going like this.

You probably can.

The question is what it is costing you.

How many more mornings do you want to wake up already exhausted?How many more opportunities are you willing to let pass because it does not feel safe to move?How long are you willing to call survival normal?

Calm is not a luxury. It is the foundation for the life you want to build.

And when calm becomes your baseline, everything else becomes possible.

Your Next Step

If something in this resonated, trust that.

You do not need to wait for burnout to choose a different way. Support exists that works with your body, not against it.

This is the work I do. And it changes lives quietly, powerfully, and for the long term.

If this resonated, don’t wait for it to get louder.

Book a free call and let’s chat about what’s happening in your nervous system and what would actually support you right now.