The Power of Agency: How Taking Back My Choices Changed Everything

For years, I lived in a constant cycle of overthinking, doubting myself, and trying to keep up with what I thought others expected of me.

On the outside, I looked like I had it together. I was hardworking, dependable, and always said yes to what people asked of me. But on the inside, I felt scattered, drained, and stuck.

I didn’t know it at the time, but what I was missing was agency.

What Agency Really Is (And Why It Matters)

When I first heard the word “agency,” I thought it was just another self-help buzzword. But it’s not. Agency is simply the ability to choose how you respond, to take ownership of your decisions, and to remember that you are the one steering your own life.

Most of us grow up being told what to do and how to do it, and without realising it, we start living on autopilot.

We get caught up in routines, in people-pleasing, in waiting for the “right moment” to finally do what we really want. That’s not agency. That’s living as if life is happening to you, instead of happening through you.

My First Taste of Taking Back My Choices

The first time I truly felt agency, it wasn’t during a big life event. It wasn’t quitting a job, moving countries, or making a huge leap. It was in the smallest of moments.

It was the morning I decided to start setting an intention for my day instead of rolling out of bed straight into the chaos. I chose a feeling I wanted to embody: calm, focused, clear... and that simple choice shifted how I approached everything that followed.

It was the day I said “no” to something that deep down I didn’t want to do, even though every people-pleasing bone in my body wanted to say “yes.” That moment taught me that honouring myself was not selfish; it was necessary.

It was the time I paused before reacting in frustration and asked myself, “How do I actually want to respond here?” That pause was agency in action.

Those little choices were like bricks, slowly building the foundation for a life that finally felt like mine.

Why Agency Changes Everything

Here’s the thing: agency is not about controlling everything. It’s about realising you have influence over more than you think. And that influence, when practiced consistently, changes your life.

• Clarity: When you step into agency, you stop waiting for perfect timing or permission. You create your own clarity by choosing what matters now.

• Confidence: Every decision you make for yourself builds proof that you can trust yourself. Confidence doesn’t come from the outside; it grows when you act in alignment with your values.

• Focus: Agency helps you direct your energy where it counts, instead of wasting it on things you can’t control. You stop spiralling in “what ifs” and start taking action on “what’s next.”

  
  

How You Can Start Building Agency

You don’t need a big, dramatic life overhaul to reclaim your agency. It begins with small, intentional choices. Here are a few you can try today:

• Decide on one thing you want to feel each morning before you even touch your phone.

• Notice one area where you’ve been saying yes when you really wanted to say no. Practice saying no with kindness.

• Before reacting, take one breath and ask yourself, “What response would actually serve me here?”

  
  

These are simple, but they are powerful. Every time you choose differently, you’re rewiring your brain to trust that you do have control over your life.

So, let me ask you... Where in your life are you handing away your agency right now? Maybe it’s in your work, your relationships, your health, or even in the way you speak to yourself.

And what’s one choice, no matter how small, that you can reclaim today?

Because once you start exercising your agency, you stop living life by default and start creating it by design. That’s where clarity, confidence, and freedom begin.