Insecurities & Overthinking: What They Really Mean and How to Break Free

Ever found yourself lying awake at night replaying a conversation or worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet?

Or maybe you’ve felt a wave of self-doubt right before taking action, like posting online, speaking up in a meeting, or saying what you really think?

That’s the exhausting combo of insecurities and overthinking. They can hold us back from speaking our truth, showing up fully, and going after the things we want. But they’re not fixed traits – they’re habits of the mind. And the good news is: habits can be changed.

First, Let’s Talk About Insecurities

Insecurity is that uncomfortable feeling of not being good enough, not belonging, or fearing you’ll fail or be judged. It’s usually tied to self-worth and how safe or accepted we feel.

And it can show up in lots of ways – from shyness and people-pleasing, to perfectionism, jealousy, or even avoiding certain situations altogether.

There are two common types:

• Acute insecurities – These come up in response to specific situations, like a break-up, being turned down, or losing a job. They feel intense, but they’re often temporary.

• Chronic insecurities – These are more long-lasting, often rooted in early experiences or trauma. For example, growing up around harsh criticism or inconsistent love can lead to social anxiety or deep fears of not being enough.

What’s wild is that up to 40% of our insecurities are triggered by recent events.

This means they’re not always deeply ingrained or unchangeable – sometimes, they’re just your brain reacting to something that threw you off balance.

Why the Brain Creates Insecurity

Our brains are wired to protect us. So when we feel a threat – even an emotional one like rejection or failure – the brain jumps in to keep us “safe.” But this protective response can backfire.

It might look like:

• Shutting down – avoiding people or opportunities

• Creating a mask – being who you think you’re supposed to be, instead of who you really are

• Overcompensating – coming across as defensive, controlling, or even aggressive

• Joy-stealing – being so caught in your head that you miss the good stuff in front of you

And thanks to the brain’s negativity bias, we’re two to three times more likely to notice what’s going wrong than what’s going right.

It’s like our minds have a built-in spotlight for flaws and danger – which makes feeling confident a real challenge.

The Cost of Living With Insecurity

Left unchecked, insecurity can:

• Stop you from taking risks or trying new things

• Lead to burnout from constantly proving your worth

• Create tension in relationships (especially when we’re acting out of fear rather than authenticity)

• Lower your self-trust and sense of peace

But it can be shifted – not by “fixing” yourself, but by learning to meet these thoughts and feelings with awareness, compassion, and courage.

So, What About Overthinking?

Overthinking is when your thoughts go on a loop – replaying, analysing, worrying, second-guessing.

It often shows up when you want to do things right, avoid failure, or control how others see you. It might look like:

• Replaying a conversation 10 times wondering if you said the wrong thing

• Struggling to make decisions – big or small – because you want to “get it right”

• Imagining worst-case scenarios and feeling paralysed by fear

• Difficulty relaxing or being present

It’s mentally exhausting, and worse – it keeps you stuck.

The more we overthink, the more anxious we become. It becomes harder to take action or trust ourselves. And then the cycle continues.

How to Start Moving Forward

Here are some practical strategies to help you work through insecurities and quiet the overthinking mind:

1. Build Awareness

Start noticing your patterns. What triggers your self-doubt or overthinking? Is it certain people, environments, or situations? Awareness is the first step to change.

2. Name the Fear

When a spiral starts, pause and ask: What am I actually afraid of here? Is it failing? Being judged? Not being liked? Naming it helps you take back control and meet it with compassion.

3. Detach From the Outcome

This one’s big. Take action, but let go of needing it to be perfect. Focus on the process, not the result. Confidence builds when you act, not when you wait to feel “ready.”

4. Set Boundaries With Your Mind

Set a timer – give yourself 10 minutes to reflect or worry, then stop. This trains your mind not to spiral endlessly.

5. Shift Your Perspective

Ask: If my best friend were feeling this way, what would I tell her? This simple trick helps you tap into self-compassion.

6. Take Micro-Actions

Even the smallest step forward helps. Book the appointment, send the email, say the thing. Momentum builds confidence – not the other way around.

7. Ground Yourself

Breathwork, walking, meditation, or even just placing your hand on your heart can bring you back into the moment. The body is a powerful tool when your mind is racing.

8. Write It Out

Journalling is like giving your thoughts somewhere else to live. It helps clear your head and make space for clarity.

To Wrap up

You’re not broken. You’re not too much or not enough. You’re human – with a beautifully complex mind that sometimes gets in its own way.

Overcoming insecurity and overthinking isn’t about becoming fearless. It’s about becoming aware, showing up anyway, and learning to trust yourself little by little.

Start small. Be kind to yourself. And remember – you’ve got this.

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