Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting people who trigger you or why your relationships start strong but eventually fizzle out?
It can feel frustrating, like you’re destined to meet the wrong people.
But there’s a deeper reason behind this pattern, rooted in our psychological wounds and the unresolved issues we carry from childhood.
The Hidden Link Between Our Wounds and Our Relationships
Imagine a scenario where you’re drawn to someone who feels oddly familiar. At first, the connection is intense—you share similar interests, laugh at the same jokes, and seem to understand each other deeply.
But as time goes on, things start to shift. Arguments become more frequent, or one of you begins to pull away. Eventually, the relationship ends, leaving you puzzled and hurt.
This cycle isn’t just random—it’s driven by the psychological wounds we carry. These wounds often originate from our early experiences, where we first learned about love, trust, and relationships.
If we experienced neglect, abandonment, or inconsistent affection as children, we might unconsciously seek out partners who mirror those same dynamics.
It’s not that we’re drawn to pain on purpose, but rather, our inner child is searching for what feels familiar.
How the Inner Child Shapes Our Choices
The inner child is the part of us that still carries the emotions, beliefs, and unmet needs from our early years. When we meet someone new, our inner child is at play, scanning for signs of familiarity.
This is why you might find yourself attracted to someone who, on the surface, seems great but eventually brings up the same old issues.
For example, if your inner child felt abandoned in the past, you might be drawn to someone who is emotionally distant.
At first, this distance might seem like a challenge to overcome, but over time, it can lead to feelings of rejection or inadequacy.
On the flip side, if your partner begins to heal and outgrow these patterns, they might move on, leaving you feeling left behind.
Why Familiar Feels Like Home—Even When It’s Not Healthy
Our brains are wired to seek out what is familiar, even if it’s not what’s best for us. This is known as the “devil we know” concept.
We’re naturally drawn to situations that remind us of past experiences because they feel predictable, even if they’re painful.
This is why you might keep finding yourself in relationships that echo the dynamics you grew up with—whether that’s emotional distance, conflict, or unpredictability.
But just because something feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Recognising this pattern is the first step toward breaking free from it.
The key is to understand that our attractions are often based on old wounds, not on what will truly make us happy.
Healing Your Wounds: Tools for Change
The good news is that you don’t have to stay stuck in these patterns. By healing your psychological wounds, you can start to attract healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Here are some tools that can help:
Therapy: Working with a therapist can help you uncover and process the root causes of your emotional wounds. Therapy provides a safe space to explore your past, understand your inner child, and develop healthier ways of relating to others.
Coaching: A life coach can help you set goals and take actionable steps towards healing and personal growth. They can support you in recognising unhealthy patterns, building self-awareness, and creating a vision for the type of relationship you truly want.
Hypnotherapy: Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool for accessing the subconscious mind, where many of our deep-seated beliefs and wounds reside.
Through guided hypnosis, you can reprogram your mind to release old patterns and embrace new, healthier ways of thinking and feeling.
Mindfulness and Self-Reflection: Practising mindfulness and self-reflection can help you become more aware of your triggers and patterns in real time. This awareness is crucial for making conscious choices in your relationships.
Moving Towards Secure Attachment: A Path to Fulfilling Relationships
As you begin to heal your wounds, you’ll notice a shift in the types of people you’re attracted to.
You’ll start to seek out relationships that are based on mutual respect, trust, and genuine connection, rather than on old, familiar pain.
This is the path to a secure attachment style, where you feel safe to give and receive love without fear of being hurt or abandoned.
In a secure attachment, you and your partner can grow together, supporting each other’s emotional well-being.
You’ll no longer feel the need to repeat old patterns because you’ve created a new, healthier foundation for love.
Ready to break the cycle and stop attracting the wrong people?
If you’re tired of attracting the wrong people and are ready to heal your wounds, I’m here to help. Together, we can explore the patterns that have been holding you back and create a plan for moving forward.
Book a FREE call with me today to start your journey towards healing and attracting the love you truly deserve.
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